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Who, me?

I wanted to write about-

my trips to the Indian embassy- Nothing can make for more entertaining posts, right? Wrong. The task got done in ten minutes. And the nice woman at the counter even apologized for making us wait. Oh, the horror!

the house guests- My cousin and her friend who are enjoying a two-week holiday here after their final year Engineering exams. This was someone with whom I spent three years sharing a room, and I had loads of stories to tell then. Now, except for minor details like calling the husband and me doooood, talking on the phone all the time (and late into the night), and making me wonder how I would manage if I had a daughter who grows up to be like her, there’s nothing much to report. How unlucky can I possibly get?

blogs.bigadda.com/ab- But will ask you instead, to go read!

my very first manicure session- Yes, the manicurist was as shocked as you are. Were you a cave-dweller before you dropped in here, she said with her eyes (I’m a great reader of eyes). But again, apart from sending a dirty look my way for smudging the paint on the left thumb despite being told to be careful, and trying to sell high-priced toners and conditioners that my fingers didn’t seem to want to get acquainted with, it was just another evening. The bright pink interiors are worth a mention though.

how I’m falling in love with little nooks in this city- Places that are a few yards away from highways, but transport you to a whole new world. A serene, pretty world. With a side of wonderful salads to boot.

Apparently, I can’t manage more than these few lines.

 

Someone read my mind

A few years ago as we were seated in class trying valiantly to pay attention to the lecturer’s teachings, a thought struck my mind. The trigger happened to be a persistent mosquito that seemed to have developed an affinity to park itself on my left forearm. In keeping with my no-squashing-mosquitoes-policy (yuck! Such a mess!) I tried repeatedly to shoo it away. My friend was watching this with growing amusement and couldn’t help suppress a guffaw. Now I remember distinctly the sequence of words that tumbled out of my mouth next; Wouldn’t it be a great idea to engineer sterile mosquitoes and release them into the world, I said. This time the guffaw was not suppressed. And I had joined in too. ’cause brilliant as the idea is, it wasn’t going to stop them annoying creatures from sucking the life out of beautiful damsels.

Now go check this out- http://www.nature.com/news/2008/080521/full/453435a.html

Which is why I actually wanted the title to read Somebody stole my idea but thought better of it, lest someone reads it and takes it upon themselves to give me my due (a whack on the head?). Oh, did I mention that on the same day (a particularly fruitful day?) I also came up with this other gem- how about re-programming all the receptors in our bodies (which are like hooks that germs can latch on to) such that them microbial things will have no landing pad? If you come upon anything that remotely resembles this, bring it to my attention will ya? And remember, I only thought of it.

Riddle-me-Ree, Who can she be?

Greetings wonderful MTBs!!!

and good work to all of you!

For having solved the riddle before

I give you all this clue.

 

The letter ” E “

 

Write it down, add it on…

And let’s move on to the next little song

 

From Mumbai to LA is a short flight for her pen

She’ll review and compare and having done, then

Turning her focus to celebrity butts and lips

Keep us laughing at her skilled barbs and quips.”

 

Solve it and you get your lead

Misguess, and you lose your speed

Solve it slow but solve it now

And before you go, take a little bow

 

Go to ‘Comments’ and leave me a clue

Tell me which blog you are off to.

Good luck! Good luck! Be on your way.

You have your work, cut out for the day! 

Do you know my ABCs?

Shyam tagged me with this exercise a while ago. I promised to do it soonish. Here I am, keeper of my words!

 

A- Available?

Are you Surya?

B- Best Friend

A pet lizard I named Poopy ’cause he/she thinks the whole world’s a toilet.

C- Cake or pie?

Cake, eggless please.

D- Drink of choice

Absolut Vodka- Vanilla.

E- Essential thing used everyday

The husband’s brain (since I’m supposed to eat his brain every living moment).

F- Favourite colour?

Bright fluorescent green. The one that screams Don’t look at me or you’ll go blind.

G- Gummy bears or worms?

I graduated from pre-school eons ago.

H- Hometown

Madras.

I- Indulgence

The $5 eyebrow trim. No, maybe the $8 haircut. Or the $2 library books on sale. Yes, I am the very definition of kanjoos, makki choos.

J- January or February

Neither. Bring on the sun, I say!

K- Kids and names

The names are ready. The kids are in preparation.

L- Life

Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.

M- Marriage date

I have two. One in which we were asked to kiss each other on the lips two times (the second for the benefit of our photographer) and the other in which we were prohibited from touching each other until our planets were in alignment. Fun times.

N- Number of siblings

I’m a single child. Reminds me of the time I would ask my parents to buy me a baby brother or sister from the shop (when they asked me what I wanted).

O- Oranges or apples
    
Oranges. I was a gobbler of fruits. Back when I was 17, I once greedily ate a dozen kamala oranges. It was nothing I had not done before. But on that particular occasion, they deemed it better to lead an existence outside of my stomach than inside. That notwithstanding, they are still my most favourite fruit.
 
P- Phobias
 
Ophidiophobia.    

Q- Quote 

Those who can, work. Those who claim to use the computer at work for work, blog? 

R- Reason to smile?

One needs a reason? 

S- Season? 

Summer. That’s the only ever season I’ve seen in my life and now it’s too late to switch loyalties. 

T- Tag

May I say something? I hate tags. They make me feel like I’m taking very important tests. (With the outcome FAILED written all over. Must be the hangover from the time I failed a Chemistry test in school but was made to pass since the teacher couldn’t stand the sight of a pathetic grown up girl who was weeping her heart out ’cause she couldn’t deal with the fact that she had screwed up.) Hmm, maybe I don’t hate them so much now. They make me derive so much insight into myself, no?  

U- Unknown fact about me 

I can perform black magic. Come to me if you want to wage wars between dolls.

V- Vegetable you do not like

Fennel.

W- Worst habit

I’m guilty of all seven.

X- X-rays you have had

Unless you’re Vijay, I ain’t telling you.

Y- Your favourite food

Home-cooked after an overload of take-out. Vice-versa also applies.

Z- Zodiac

That of the tromping, whinnying horse. 

Mouth freshener

I was eating a slice of multigrain bread which had been housed in a Ziploc bag in my carry-on (fancy word for the jolna pai I carry to work). As I was munching on it I smelt something wonderful. Fragrant. The smell of perfume dancing on my nostrils. No, literally. Turns out the long-forgotten bottle of perfume which had gotten lost in the dark recesses of the jolna pai had been silently but successfully emptying its contents outwards. The whiff being picked up through the tightly-sealed Ziploc.

I took a few bites, unsure of whether or not I wanted to eat perfume. Then thought it might make for a very effective mouth freshener.

So here I am smelling like two dozen roses plus jasmine plus lavender plus smells-that-are-not-emanated-by-food. Need to test the mouth freshener theory on the husband.

Murphy has the last word

..and laugh. Always.

About a worrier

I have a husband who is not Karthik, Sriram or Ashwin.

Or Surya. But he’s short (too), and has beautiful eyes (too).

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I am the most cheerful chronic worrier on the planet. 

And a very happy person. I believe in being positive. I rarely get bogged down by the uncertain or the unexpected that life can sometimes be.           

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I am young, happy-go-lucky, well-meaning, good intentional, harmless, living in Singapore, very prim, think life is a slow waking dream and the troubling bits are those interruptions that’ll go away if I bury my head in the pillow and dream again.

I swear I didn’t sit in for a psycho-analysis session with her. While on that topic, I don’t not swear or curse ‘cause I’m prim-and-propah. I simply don’t feel the need. At a particularly bad moment, I’m prone to say Shucks!!! or Oh boy!! (exclamatory marks mandatory) or Idiot (at whoever is causing me grief or more often, at me). It’s all relative, you see. The husband is someone who goes This is fucking beautiful, or What the fuck (appreciatively) was that, apart from the abusive utilization of the stress-busting word (in his opinion). So again, what’s the point? 

OK, now that I’ve got the clarification on the original comment out of the way, here’s the add-on: I love to cook. I love to cook for people. I positively enjoy cooking for the husband.          

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I am 27, married and a no-nonsense girl. I live in Singapore and I work in science. I am an only child.

Yes, except am not so sure about the no-nonsense bit. I do give and take a lot of nonsense.

On a related note, I am very, very accommodative. I’m a wonderful listener ‘cause I genuinely care. I’m not very spontaneous- I always weigh my words before I speak, I’m terrified of offending people. I cannot live with the knowledge that something I might have said hurt someone. I’m also quick to apologize.                            

                                                                            

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Good sense of humour.

Thank you. In a group, I’m always attracted to the ones with the quick wit. I dig subtle, message-in-a-straight-face brand of humour. And oh, the Brit accent has me in a jelly.

I love watching funny shows. Some of my favourites are Scrubs, Everybody Loves Raymond, The Office (both versions), The Kumars at No. 42.                      

                                                                                  

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Yeah you’re really funny…and you have actually tried to grow karuvepellai??!!

Thank you. Yes, several times. Then I gave up until I saw a flourishing bush two floors down. But I don’t have the energy to try again (do you know that all it takes is to stick a stick into a pot?).

I’m a quitter. Or fatalistic, depending on your perspective. (You want to go with the former eh?)  

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For the highest tally, Maami, I present to you something not made of recycled candy wrappers:

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Thank you all, for playing along. It was so much fun. Now turn off the computer and do your home-work.

I’m all about interaction, baby

Who hates to cry but loves to smile?

Who has an earring fetish?

Who was so good a sport that she didn’t mind making a spectacle of herself in front of impressionable wannabe machos? (For this alone, I worship thee.)

Presenting Rads.

Now she wants to know if I have similar interesting facts about myself to disclose. Haven’t you seen the morning news everyday this past year? The headlines screamed ‘CW is the most boring individual on the planet, who leads a most uneventful life.’ No?

But I guess any fact is bound to be interesting as long as it’s not let on by me. So here’s what I want you to do. You tell me one/three/few/(my entire history) facts about me. And I’ll match up. You give me one, I’ll give you one more. The more you give (am I that predictable?) so will I. Deal?

This will be fun, no?

Rewind

Oh wise, wise one of a year ago,

You will realize that it’s quite amazing how you will manage to imbibe (and dispense) so much wisdom in so short a while (quite alarming too–isn’t one supposed to go slow on the growing older and wiser thing?).

The phrase you will use most often (aloud and otherwise) would be Life is beautiful.

You will need no further proof that you are cold. And terribly boring.

Baking will be your new obsession. It will be the chosen medium to convey to you what stern stuff you are made of. That disasters are only pit stops in your (as yet, but soon-to-be successful) path of bread and cake making glory.

You will view the husband with new-found respect. ’cause buying a house is all fine and dandy, but when it comes to buying furniture and tidbits and things to make it look ‘vibrant’, you will be witness to such display of energy, enthusiasm and general I’m ready to get my butt off the couch for another price comparison-trip, that you will have it branded in your memory ’cause surely you were supposed to be the one in charge?

Let me also warn you that you will, in future, no longer be able to make tall claims such as I have infinitely better taste than you, or I’m going to colour coordinate everything (everything). Speaking of colours, you will (be made to) regret the ’soft, light’ shade of lavender that you will choose for the master bedroom.

You will discover the wonders of champagne, and great company.

You will get fed up of being taken for granted. Even if it costs you your daily afternoon tea-break.

Of course the only reason you will remember 2007 by, will be your acquisition of a new passport. (And scripting ‘The rape of patriotism’ which you will thankfully delete when you come to your senses.)

Would you want to also remember this as the year you would be making rasgullas at home? The two of you will marvel at how easy they are to make. So, yeah.

GDS, I hope you are mighty pleased that I kept well within my time-frame of one month. As you might have noticed, I’m not enthusiastic about tags. ’cause they make me go ‘Blank, blank and hey still a blank howmuchever you try to squeeze your memory’. So will you please exempt me from the other tag? I’ll tell you why. See I tried to look for posts in the said categories. But as you might have noticed (or not) everything is ‘uncategorized’. Trying to find a common theme, the only one seems to be ‘how to grow’ (most frequently followed by karuvepillai, or up your child). Now that doesn’t really fit in any of the categories, does it?

Charu

It was 7.30 in the morning. Time to leave. She adjusted her lipstick, glanced around the house and after ensuring that it was as messy as she remembered it from last week, she locked the door. A short five minute walk later, she was at the MRT station.

A journey of an hour and a half awaited her. Not that it worried her or anything. Why, she didn’t even think twice about it. It was as much a part of her routine now as her ex-morning jugful of carrot-badam juice her mother lovingly fed her till she got married.

The train was crowded. She would have to practise her newly acquired talent of napping, standing. She dreamed of the delicious food at aunty’s place, waiting to be eaten. All cooked especially for her. She couldn’t wait. Walking from the bus stop to aunty’s house (aunty and uncle were visiting their son and daughter-in-law, actually) she was working up quite an appetite. No polite refusal of tea today, she told herself.

And sure enough the moment she stepped into aunty’s house the first thing aunty asked was if she wanted tea. And dosai (with thakkali chutney). After pretending to hesitate for just the right amount of time she nodded her head in the Indian yes-or-no way (that has much of the Western world confused- they need time to get used to it), which aunty correctly deciphered to mean yes. Breakfast in bed is highly overrated, she thought. She switched the TV on, to kalaicholai on Sun. Resting her head gently on the couch, she continued to listen to Gayatri’s rendition of kurai ondrum illai.

Aunty was vacuuming the house now. She dutifully folder her legs on her lap. Inikki chapathi and cauliflower curry for lunch di, you like it no, aunty wanted to know. Oh romba pidikume, Charu assured her. Eh pudhu cooling glasses ah? Enga vanginai? Romba cute ah iruku. Charu smiled. Sankar vaangi kuduthaar aunty. With a veeery good, aunty proceeded with her morning cleaning ritual. Today I want to learn how to make chapathi aunty, so pannumbodhu koopadrela, Charu stated in her most sincere tone. Cheche, you’ll learn with practice di. You do it at home. Ippodhan ingavandhirkiye, naa pannikudukaren onaku. Well, at least she had tried.

Post-lunch found her on the living room couch again, with aunty for company. She didn’t understand why uncle never hung around. He was either washing or drying or taking a walk to the grocery store to buy sugar or milk. Oh yeah, he did spend a significant part of the day following the sun around the house. Hangers (with his son’s T-shirts) in hand, he would first hang them from the living room window. The other three bedrooms took turns housing the clothes later in the afternoon. Paithiyam pidichirku uncleku, aunty wouldn’t fail to say every single day.

Aunty was saying something. She listened for a minute and started telling her about Sankar. Of how he wouldn’t buy a laptop and how she had to take a thirty minute bus-ride to the nearest internet parlour. Aunty clucked in sympathy. Then broke down. Charu was aghast. Had she said something wrong? Why was aunty crying like this, visichu visichu? She brought a glass of water and sat down next to her. Enna aachu aunty? What is bothering you? Aunty then told her of how uncle had resigned at the peak of his career. 8 lakhs pochudi, eight lakhs! En kashtatha nenachupaar, ellarkum avava kashtam. Charu felt better. Aunty was right of course. Everybody had their problems to deal with. She was worried about not having a laptop? What was that compared to loss of eight lakhs?

The two women talked in soothing voices to each other and felt better after kadak chai and thattai that aunty had bought from Grand Sweets. It was close to 4pm now. She would have to leave in another thirty minutes. Aunty naan kalambaren. Iru, iru. Naan rathriku samachachu. Pack pannitharen, eduthindupo. She did not refuse this time. It would be too late to start dinner prep after getting home. Besides Sankar preferred aunty’s cooking to hers. She said bye and left.

Meanwhile unbeknownst to her, trouble was brewing at aunty’s place. Aunty’s son Karthik and his wife Anusha had returned from work. Karthik checked the kitchen shelves as he always did when Charu visited the house, his mother close on his heels to stop him from doing it. He opened the big bakshanam cover. Just as he had suspected. One whole packet of milagu vazhakkai chips had gone missing. Trying to offset the volcano that would undoubtedly erupt, his mother drew his attention to the neatly laid stack of bajjis, knowing fully well that it would only deflect his anger for as long as the plate lasted. Evvalavu vaati solradhu, engaluku vanginduvandha bakshanam indha aathavitu pogokoodadhunu? Evalavu sonnalum onaku budhi varadhama?

Illada, paavamda ava. Romba homesickah iruka. Adhan kuduthen, his mother tried reasoning with him. Homesickam homesick! Nanna daily ingavandhu kottikara. TV pakara. Nee avala spoil panra! 

Apidlam solladhada. Ava appa enaku evalavu help panirkar theriyuma. Naa chinna vayasala irukumbodhu….

Ayyoo! Thiruppi andha kadhaiya aarambikadhe ma! Ungakka vaangikodutha green colour pavadai and pink colour chattaiya avappa Dubai lendhu kondu kuduthar. Adhukaga vazhkapoora avar ponnuku saapadu poda poriya? Adhuvum andha lazybones ku poi! Knowing better than to kindle her son’s anger, she offered to make him more bajjis. Tempers were soothed with food acting as the peacemaker, as usual.

She’s coming tomorow to learn how to make chapathi, da. She must be out of her mind!, thought Anusha. Else why would she possibly want to tempt her son’s ire, again?! Apdiya? Romba chamathu po. Little did his mother know what the next day would bring.

The next morning found everyone involved in the usual hustle-bustle of work day routine. Except for a significant change in theme. Karthik and Anusha had decided to skip work. Ennachu? Odambu seriliya?, asked the mother only slightly worried. Yeah. Rendu perukum romba tiredah iruku, so we’re going to take the day off, her son informed her. She was already speed dialing Charu’s number; too bad the girl didn’t have a mobile. It was 9am anyway, she would be here any minute.

In a last-minute attempt to pump manners, courtesy and general good behaviour into her 27 year old son, she pleaded with him to please chamatha iruda. Are you sure nee inikki office pogapordhillai? She noticed the wicked smile on her son’s usually grim face and knew she was going to have a long day ahead. She turned to Anusha for reassurance. Avanmela oru kanvechikodi, she hissed. But amma, avan chummairupana, Anusha teased. The bell rang. Charu was never late.

Anusha opened the door. And met a semi-frozen Charu’s eyes. Hi, how’re you? Come in, come in. Aunty aathla illiya, Charu wanted to know. I’m doing great, thanks for asking. Kitchenla iruka. Saying so Anusha closed the door and waited for the fun to begin. She turned around to see Charu stare wide-eyed at Karthik. Hi Charu, how’re you? I’m fine. Neenga office polaya. Oh illai, Anusha and I took the day off, we are not feeling very well. Whole day aathladhan, he clarified.

Vaa Charu, vaa. Tea kudikariya? Sure aunty. Anusha, bread toast panrailyo, Charukum venumanu kelu. Karthik had to butt in. Naa kekaren, he volunteered. Charu, would you like some toast? Sure. OK, come let me show you the toaster.

Karthik was on a roll. For every food item offered to her by his mother, he made it a point to let her know that it was simple enough for her to get it herself. At lunch time when he noticed Charu seated as usual in front of the TV, he went to his mother and checked that it was indeed to learn how to make a chapathi that had warranted her visit. So he went up to Charu and said Amma and Anusha are making chapathis for lunch. Heard you wanted to learn too, would you like to join them in the kitchen? Charu wasn’t expecting this. Oh right, sure. She went to the kitchen. Aunty smiled semi-apologetically and said I’ll make a few di, you watch and learn seriya? Saying so aunty and Anusha expertly rolled and baked a few. Turning to Charu aunty said, Onnuvena try panriyama? Charu readily agreed, explaining how she made roti-sabzi for lunch for Sankar to carry.

She should have thought twice before laying claim to that, ’cause the dough stubbornly stuck to the rolling pin, and she seemed cluless about how to proceed. Aunty tried explaining but realized it would be faster for her to do it herself. Soon lunch was served. As was the drama. There were several (easily avoidable) catastrophes. Like how aunty remarked how beautiful Charu was and turned to her son with Illiya da. When he said No, nichyama illa. I don’t think she’s beautiful at all. Or how aunty brought the topic of her high education. MBA, engaponalum velai kadaikum. And Karthik turned to Charu and said But I thought you discontinued after a year? Though Anusha squirmed in her chair at the discourtesy her husband was exhibiting, she knew better than to tell him off.

Unlike other days, Charu wanted to leave early. She would have to forego aunty’s packed dinner today (aunty didn’t ask, too). All that she wanted to do was leave the house. She would come back again, tomorrow. But not before calling in the morning.

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