1. He loves to shop. While I’m the one on a mission- list of things to buy –> find ‘em –> pick ‘em up –> pay and leave, he treats it more like a spa experience. (I’ve never had a spa experience. Apparently, it’s very relaxing, so I used it as a simile.)

2. He absolutely loves doing up the house. Most of our current decor are his picks, and he can be just as lavish on spending on the house as much as on his gadgets.

3. He loves a good gossip session with his parents. I learnt the finer points of tracing extended family members’ sometimes ulterior motives from him.

4. Loves to cook, but can get quite frazzled if weather doesn’t cooperate (he was meant to be born in an igloo, but considering it’s summer all-year where we live, this is usually the case).

5. Loves social gatherings as long as they are filled with people he can exchange highly aggressive, non-violent banter with.

6. Is the de facto menu planner for all our social gatherings.

7. Between the two of us, he’s more likely to say at bedtime, can we please chat for a while before falling asleep.

8. Is wonderfully thoughtful- loves, loves to surprise my mom (who loves surprises) with gifts and is usually the one to point me to something she’d love while the thought wouldn’t even have crossed my mind.

9. Is a scaredy cat when it comes to certain activities, like, jumping off into the water below with only a rope to secure you. To further his suspicion of said fun activity, someone got seriously injured while attempting to bungee jump at New Zealand last week.

10. As a kid, he went for vocal Carnatic lessons until he couldn’t take another student’s nasal renditions anymore (true story). He’s fussy, and a hypocrite- thinks boys trained in Bharatanatyam are sissies.

11. Wants our daughter to learn karate. Was earlier deathly opposed to her learning Carnatic music, but has changed his mind now seeing how much she loves music.

12. Does not watch sports of any kind. Laughs at the cricket/football fanatics.

13. Is often found hooked to cooking shows on TV.

But he is also addicted to news (reads it even on the potty), is very hands-on when dealing with electrical/plumbing issues at home, manages our finances and often makes me wonder what kind of life I’d be leading if I were married to a typical Indian MCP.

Happy new year, everyone! Live in sin.

]]> http://chronicworrier.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/husbands-list-of-vices/feed/ 0 CW http://chronicworrier.wordpress.com/2010/10/19/empty-vessels-on-my-mind/ http://chronicworrier.wordpress.com/2010/10/19/empty-vessels-on-my-mind/#comments Tue, 19 Oct 2010 07:10:35 +0000 chronicworrier http://chronicworrier.wordpress.com/?p=237 ]]> What is the most hated chore in your household? In ours, it’s the washing of vessels. Akshayapaatram goes literal when you’re the one doing the dishes.

Unless you are a dishwasher of the electrical kind. Right?

I need your help. People with dishwashers, could you please speak up? Tell me if you love your dishwasher and think it’s indispensable? Or, it’s simply not worth it since you got to rinse everything first anyway? I’ve heard such opposing views (especially with respect to Indian cooking) that I don’t know what to believe. Name-dropping of brands also welcome.

Thank you, thank you. You have no idea how grateful I am for your feedback. (Just take my word for it.)

My brains took a walk.

My brains are fried.

I need a new set of brains.

Why do we tend to do this? Is it because:

a) Human beings are arrogant.

b) I really do need brain in the plural.

c) Every other (outer) part of the body comes in pairs. (Even the nose, which is collective noun for a pair of nostrils.)

d) One is always in need of more closet space.

Anyone?

Anyone?

The first instance that comes to mind is the movie  Jeans and its incredibly innovative tagline, 0% Cotton, 100% Love. Next in line, Kabhi Kabhi Aditi Bhi Khush Ho Sakthi Hai (One woman’s search for everlasting happiness).

Enlighten me- movie names and taglines that most caught your fancy?

1. I’ve retained my maiden name post-marriage. (If I were to get married now instead of when I did, I would have ensured that I wouldn’t be ‘given away’.)

2. Have gone parasailing, loved every minute and wished it would never end. Two more must-dos: bungee jump and free-fall.

3. I hate shopping- window, clothes, grocery. 7 times out of 10, I will come out of a shopping trip with a headache.

4. Abhor make-up. The most I’ll willingly use is eye-liner.

5. Do not fancy jewellery, definitely not the conventional kind. The idea of jewellery triggering a woman’s desire to get married- I don’t get it ’cause I think it’s archaic.

6. I wear no symbols of marriage- no thaali, wedding ring or toe rings.

7. I own exactly a pair each of these: sneakers, chappals and everyday shoes, apart from a pair of slippers worn at home.

8. I do not believe that the abilities to cook, clean, attend to husband’s needs 24*7 and produce babies, alone or in combination, maketh a woman.

9. Lived-in with the man I was going to marry, before I married him.

10. Travelled alone on overnight trips. (Ask me  if I’d ever  do it again.)

11. The husband dreams of retiring early. If and when that were to happen, I have no qualms about being the bread-winner while he stays home.

12. Was a tomboy growing up- climbed trees  and played cricket with the boys (where I was the only girl).

13. Was a cricket fanatic. Religiously collected all the write-ups on the ’96 World Cup (and became a huge fan of R. Mohan’s in the process).

14. Can just about tolerate chocolate in desserts, though I enjoy a good slab of dark chocolate on its own.

15. While I believe most men are physically stronger than most women, that has not stopped me from unloading heavy bags/suitcases while travelling/moving.

16. I don’t subscribe to the idea of chivalry belonging in the domain of men. Once during a heavy downpour, I got out of the car umbrella in hand, to escort the husband to the safety of the mall. I didn’t think about it until I noticed a group of women smiling at me. I thought they looked amused.

17. Do men with six-packs turn you on? I wonder why they make me want to puke. (I’m not exaggerating for effect.)

18. Love shooting with the camera, and consistently take better pictures than the husband (or other male folk in the family).

19. Love to read. (Never knew this was a man’s thing.)

20. I cringe ever-so-slightly, at the mention of girls’ night out or some such term. (Okay, okay, throw my lack of friends on my face.)

21. I hate asking for directions. I’d rather take that wrong turn and discover something new. If that doesn’t set me on the right path, I might be willing to ask the fifth person from that moment on, which route I should be taking.

I also enjoy cooking and baking, keeping a clean, beautiful home and throwing dinner parties. I was trained in classical music and dance and can sing my baby to sleep. Fixing minor repairs, setting up the TV, internet and associated electrical work, and other DIY jobs are exclusively the husband’s responsibilities. I do help if given explicit instructions, though.

You must have read some very interesting posts by female bloggers. Read the Liberal Cynic for a view from the other side.

So go on, what have you done to earn your place in hell?

Cheerful old woman to her adorable Shi-tzu: Look, doggie, baby!

Never fails to put a smile on my face.

said a friend. I couldn’t disagree more.

Marriage is like an .xls- both the partners have it open at the same time and are furiously attempting to see changes (in the other) through. Nevermind that only the one who opened it first will be successful. Even better, that both partners think it’s s/he who’s first.

Phew. I surprise myself with my gyaan-spouting ability.

Opened a restaurant with these, amongst other things, on the menu: bhaingan ki boorani, mujhadara and donuts.

Made that dream trip to New Zealand.

Enjoyed a soothing massage that didn’t actually break all the bones in my body.

Got my driver’s license. And a Cooper.

Set up a home-based vegan bake shop. Orders are pouring in.

Wrote to the producers of Paattu paada vaa about their host’s atrocious costumes. Got a promise in writing that the costume suppliers will be changed.

Managed to snag a separate state for myself.  [It doesn't (won't) have a name, and it's only for those who hate labels.]

Went forth and procreated.

(..) In my head, that is. Except the last bit. How have you been?